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Would You Say That to a Small Child?

Wed, 05 Aug 2026 22:13:46 GMT

A Nervous System Practice for Pregnancy and Postpartum

You are still working with the same nervous system you were born with.

Read that again, because it matters more than it sounds like it should. The nervous system that flinched at loud noises when you were three is the same one that spikes when your baby won't stop crying at 2am. The one that needed comfort after a scraped knee is the same one that needs comfort now, even if what scraped you this time was a hard birth, a diagnosis, or just the relentless weight of new motherhood.

And yet, somewhere along the way, most of us started expecting things from ourselves that we would never expect from a child.

The Same Nervous System, Very Different Expectations

Think about how patient we are with a toddler who's overwhelmed. We slow down. We soften our voice. We give them room to fall apart a little before they can put themselves back together.

Now think about how you talk to yourself when you're overwhelmed.

For a lot of the women I work with in pregnancy anxiety therapy and postpartum depression and anxiety therapy , that internal voice sounds nothing like the one they'd use with a child. It sounds like what is wrong with you . Like you should be handling this better . Like everyone else seems to be managing fine .

Your nervous system doesn't know the difference between an unkind stranger and an unkind you. It responds to harsh self-talk the same way it responds to any other threat: it braces. It shuts down. It gets louder and more dysregulated, not less.

A Simple Practice: Notice, Then Ask

This is a practice I share often, because it's simple enough to start today and it works.

Step one: pay attention. Start noticing what you're actually saying to yourself, out loud or in your head, when things get hard. Not what you think you should be saying. What's actually falling out of your mouth.

Step two: ask the question. Would you say that to a small child?

If the answer is no, that's information. That's your nervous system telling you the words you're using are too harsh for the moment you're in.

Step three: rephrase it. Not perfectly. Not with some polished affirmation that doesn't sound like you. Just kinder. If you'd tell a scared child "this is hard and you're doing okay," try offering yourself the same sentence.

This isn't about toxic positivity or pretending things are fine when they're not. It's about matching the tone of your internal voice to what your nervous system actually needs in order to settle.

Why This Matters So Much in Pregnancy and Postpartum

Pregnancy and the postpartum period ask an enormous amount of your body and your nervous system, often at the exact moment your internal voice gets harshest. This shows up constantly in the work I do around fear of motherhood and pregnancy therapy and birth trauma therapy . Women carrying real fear, real grief, or a birth experience that didn't go the way they hoped will often talk to themselves with less compassion than they'd offer a total stranger.

Here's what I want you to understand: the way you talk to yourself becomes part of the emotional environment your child grows up in. Kids don't just learn from what we say to them. They learn from what we model, including how we treat ourselves when we're struggling.

This is also generational. A lot of the harshness we speak to ourselves didn't start with us. It's an echo of what was spoken over us when we were little, by parents who were doing their best with what they had. You get to decide whether that pattern continues.

Breaking the Cycle Starts With Practice, Not Perfection

Rehearsing a kinder internal voice is exactly that: rehearsal. You won't get it right every time, and that's fine. Every time you catch a harsh thought and offer yourself something gentler instead, you're building a new pattern, one your nervous system can learn to trust and one your child gets to grow up around.

Start small. Notice one thing you said to yourself today. Ask if you'd say it to a small child. If not, try again with more kindness.

Be nice to you. You're allowed.

You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone

If this resonates and you're noticing just how loud that inner critic has gotten, especially during pregnancy or postpartum, you don't have to untangle it by yourself. Sometimes it helps to talk it through with a trauma-informed therapist who understands the nervous system side of what you're carrying. Sometimes it helps to have a community of other moms who get it without needing it explained.

Visit my resources page for tools and support options, or reach out & schedule a free consultation if you're in the State of Virginia and you'd like to talk about what this could look like in your own healing.

The Secret Prenatal Care Most People Never Talk About

Fri, 10 Jul 2026 03:34:55 GMT

How Therapy in Pregnancy Helps Your Baby

Not just “for you”

When you think about getting therapy in pregnancy , it may feel like it’s only for “really struggling” people or like a luxury you can do without.

You might worry that if you admit you're having a hard time, it means you are already failing your baby.

The truth is that many pregnant women and new mothers carry more stress, fear, and emotional pain than anyone around them can see. Feeling low, snappy, numb, or on edge is common in this season, yet it often gets brushed off as “just hormones” or “part of motherhood.”

What we know from research and from real life is that perinatal mental health care is part of caring for your baby.

Your emotional world and your baby’s start in life are deeply connected, and support for you can be a quiet gift for both of you. Researchers have been studying this link for decades, yet it rarely shows up in prenatal visits, childbirth classes, or everyday conversations about pregnancy.

Stress in pregnancy and your baby’s start

Pregnancy is often described as “joyful.” We imagine a season of caressing pregnant bellies, feeling cared for and fulfilled, and bonding with baby and family. For many women it’s also a season of very real stress, worry, and emotional heaviness. It can feel like you’re carrying a lot more than just the pregnancy itself.

When depression or high anxiety go untreated during pregnancy, research has found higher rates of preterm birth and low birth weight. In simple terms, a nervous system that’s constantly in overdrive can make it harder for the body to carry the pregnancy to full term and to grow the baby as steadily as we’d hope.

>>> That doesn’t mean that every worried or exhausted mother will have complications.

It does mean that persistent distress matters and that it’s worth taking seriously. Supporting your mental health in pregnancy is one way of giving your baby more time to grow, more moments of daydreaming and bonding, more chances at a smoother labor, and a gentler landing into the world.

What changes when you get care

When you have a space to talk honestly, learn new tools, and feel emotionally held, your whole nervous system often responds.

Therapy in pregnancy can:

Lower overall stress and anxiety levels so your body is not running on constant high alert.
Support better sleep and appetite, which are basic building blocks for a healthy pregnancy and baby.
Help you sort through relationship conflicts, work pressures, or past experiences that are weighing down your days.

Studies of perinatal psychotherapy and support programs have found that when depression and anxiety improve, there can be benefits for gestational length, infant growth, and early bonding. For example, one trial of brief interpersonal psychotherapy in pregnancy found that women whose depression symptoms improved were more likely to deliver at full term, which gives babies a stronger start.

Getting help does not guarantee a perfect pregnancy or birth.

What it can do is reduce some of the load on your mind and body so you and your baby are not walking through this season alone.

Your baby’s developing brain

While you’re moving through the day, your baby’s brain is busy building the patterns it will use to respond to the world. That tiny brain is learning what “normal” feels like in terms of stress, calm, connection, and safety.

Research using fetal and newborn brain imaging has found that when maternal distress is very high during pregnancy, babies can show differences in how certain brain areas develop, especially regions involved in stress and emotion. Later on, some of these children may be more sensitive or reactive, or have more challenges with mood and attention.

This is not about doom or damage. The same science that tells us stress can shape the developing brain also tells us that brains stay changeable, especially in the first years of life. Lower maternal distress, responsive caregiving, and warm, predictable relationships after birth are all linked with better cognitive and emotional outcomes and can help build resilience over time.

Taking care of your mental health in pregnancy is one way of giving your baby’s brain a calmer starting place and setting yourself up to offer the kind of connection that supports healthy wiring in the months and years ahead.

Even if you’re not sure anything is wrong

You may read all of this and think, “I don’t have any mental health issues. I’m just stressed,” or “My past was hard, but I dealt with it years ago and it’s behind me.”

That’s really common and may very well be true. However, what I often find in clinical practice is that many women have lived in high stress or old trauma for so long that what feels “normal” is actually dysregulation, meaning your system doesn’t settle very easily and it’s harder to come back to calm.

Pregnancy and early motherhood can stir up layers that have been quiet for decades. Old memories, fears about birth , or long-standing worries about your body or your worth can surface in ways that are confusing and uncomfortable. Sometimes you don’t recognize how much you’ve been carrying until a skilled professional gently helps you explore it.

A perinatal-trained therapist is used to spotting patterns that are easy to miss on your own. A mental health assessment in pregnancy can be as routine as getting your blood pressure checked. If everything looks solid, you walk away with more confidence and a clear sense that you really are doing well. If we do find something that needs attention, you’ve caught it early and given yourself and your baby more time for support and change.

If you already feel behind

Maybe you’re late in pregnancy or already holding your baby and thinking, “I wish I had known this sooner.” It’s easy to feel like the window has closed or that you have already “messed things up.”

Let that go, mama...

Your baby’s brain and stress system keep developing well beyond birth. The first months and years are full of chances to shape connection, safety, and resilience. Shifts in your own mental health now can still change the environment your baby is growing in.

That matters just as much as what happened in pregnancy.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, angry, checked out, or “not like yourself,” it’s not too late to reach out. Support in the postpartum period can strengthen bonding, help you feel more like you, and support your baby’s emotional foundation at the same time.

A gentle next step

You don't have to decide today that you “need therapy.” You also don’t have to wait until you’re in crisis. If any part of this stirred something in you, consider taking one small step.

That might look like:

Mentioning your mood and stress honestly at your next prenatal or postpartum visit.
Completing a brief self-check and jotting down what you notice.
Scheduling a consult with a perinatal therapist to talk through what you’re experiencing and what support could look like for you. (If you're in Virginia, I would be honored to meet with you. You can schedule a free consult here .)

Caring for your mental health in pregnancy is not selfish. It isn’t a lavish extra or something reserved only for women who are in obvious meltdown. It is one more way to care for your baby’s start in life, for your own nervous system, and for the emotional legacy you’re building for your family. You and your baby both deserve that steady, supported beginning.

If you’re wondering whether what you’re feeling is more than stress, you can start with a self-check here .

When Your Brain Keeps Asking, "What if Something Goes Wrong?"

Sat, 27 Jun 2026 19:18:05 GMT

Your prenatal labs look fine, your provider is not worried, people keep telling you “everything looks good.”

And yet, your brain will not stop running through every worst-case scenario...

Maybe it sounds like:

“What if the baby stops moving?”
“What if something is wrong and they havn't caught it yet?”
“What if I lose this baby (like last time)?”
“What if I go into labor and something terrible happens?”

From the outside, everything looks fine.
On the inside, it feels like you are constantly bracing for impact.

If this is you, you are not crazy, broken, or ungrateful. You are pregnant in a body and nervous system that has a history, a story, and a whole lot to protect.

You are also not alone. Many women in this season quietly hold fear and anxiety while trying to function in everyday life.

Why Your Brain Keeps Looking for Danger

The clinical word for this is " hypervigilance ."

Hypervigilance means your mind and body are on high alert, scanning for any sign that something might be wrong. Instead of letting you rest in “we're good,” your brain keeps saying, “But are we???”

In pregnancy, this can show up like:

Constantly checking that the baby is moving
Re-reading lab results or ultrasound reports and asking AI about them
Searching down rabbit holes for symptoms, even late at night
Replaying appointments and wondering what the provider “really meant”
Mentally rehearsing worst-case scenarios “just in case”

On the surface, it looks obsessive or anxious .
Underneath, it is your nervous system trying very hard to protect what matters most.

If you have ever had loss , trauma, a scary birth , medical trauma, or even a childhood where you had to be the one on guard, pregnancy can flip that “danger scanner” back on, even when everyone else sees a smooth road ahead.

“Everything Is Fine” Does Not Always Feel Fine

Pregnancy is often described as a glowing season of bump pictures and baby showers.
For many women, especially if you have experienced birth trauma , it is a season of holding your breath.

You can get an “everything looks good” from the ultrasound tech and still feel:

A knot in your stomach when you think about the next appointment
Guilty because you think you “should be happy”
Irritated when people say, “Just enjoy it”
Calm for a moment, then suddenly flooded with “what ifs”

Another phrase that can wear you down over time is hearing, “That's normal for pregnancy,” when you share your concerns. Sometimes that is true in a physical sense, but emotionally it can feel like a dismissal of very real fear. (This deserves a whole conversation of its own and will be covered in a future blog!)

Your brain is not trying to ruin your pregnancy.
It is trying to make sure you are prepared.

It has learned, often from experience, that hard things can happen even when people say, “It's fine.” So now it keeps you in a mental posture of “ready for the worst,” just in case.

This is not a character flaw. It is a survival strategy.

A therapist works with you to guide you through pregnancy, birth, and motherhood with strategies that feel way more productive than destructive.

Your Body Remembers: How Trauma Shows Up in Pregnancy

Some people are surprised to learn that hypervigilance represents more than anxiety. It may be from trauma. You don't have to have had “big trauma” to feel this way.
If you have experienced trauma or loss, your body often remembers, even when you are trying to stay positive.

This can show up during pregnancy as:

Past miscarriage or stillbirth making every week feel like a test you could fail
Complicated previous birth that makes your body tense every time you imagine labor
Medical experiences where you felt dismissed or helpless
Growing up in a home where you had to stay on alert to stay safe

You may notice that your thoughts in pregnancy are not only about this baby. They are also about other times you were blindsided, hurt, or told “it's fine” when it absolutely was not.

When old pain meets new hope, you may experience pregnancy anxiety as the nervous system says:
“I'm glad there's hope, but I am not letting my guard down.”

Anxiety or Instinct? How to Tell the Difference

Many pregnant women ask, “How do I know if this is anxiety or my intuition?”

That's a wise question! And you don't have to answer it on your own.

Some gentle indicators it may be more anxiety than instinct:

The thoughts are repetitive and intrusive, looping in the same “what if” over and over.
No amount of reassurance gives more than a few minutes of relief; logic isn't working.
You are exhausted from thinking, but can't “just stop.”
The fear feels out of proportion to what your provider is seeing, although it still feels very real to you.

When it is more instinct , it often feels like:

A clear, new sense that something is “off” or different, not just the same loop replaying.
A quieter inner nudge rather than a loud constant siren.
You can imagine honoring it by calling the provider or asking a question without spiraling.

Talk with your medical provider about persistent worry, ask for more information, and listen to your inner sense.
If you notice this worry is running your mental life, that is where perinatal therapy can help your nervous system get some relief.

Faith in the Middle of “What If”

When faith is part of your story, this experience can feel even more confusing and serves to add guilt on top of your fear.

You might think:

“If I really trusted God/had more faith, I wouldn't feel this scared.”
“Am I speaking something bad into existence by worrying?”
“I know the verses, but my body still feels panicked.”
"Why isn't praying it away working?"

In Scripture, we see both deep trust and very honest fear.
People cry out, question, and lament, and they are not scolded for their humanity.

You can be a woman of faith and still have a nervous system that remembers pain.
Last I checked, emotional numbness was not a fruit of the Spirit.

Sometimes leaning into faith looks like:

Naming your fears honestly in prayer instead of pretending they aren't there.
Letting God meet you in the reality of your anxiety, not just in the polished version.
Receiving practical help, like therapy, as part of God’s care rather than a sign that your faith failed.

Your nervous system was created by God as part of how you were wonderfully made, not as a mistake.

The alarms it sounds are are your body’s way of saying, “I need care,” not proof that God has left you.

God’s presence meets you in the reality of what your body remembers, it does not erase your history.

You are allowed to honor your nervous system and lean into God at the same time.

What We Might Work On Together

When I sit with perinatal clients who say, “I keep thinking something is going to go wrong,” we don't start by trying to bully the brain into “positive thinking!”

Instead, we might:

Give your story space
Explore what your body, mind, and memories have been through, including pregnancy, losses, medical experiences, and relationship patterns, so your fear makes sense in context and is not treated as a personal failure.

Work with the nervous system, not against it
Learn simple tools to help your body notice when it is safe in the present moment. This might include grounding exercises, breathing patterns that feel safe, sensory cues, and tiny moments of “micro-rest” your brain can tolerate.

Make room for both fear and hope
Practice holding, “I'm scared something could go wrong,” alongside, “Right now, in this moment, I am okay,” without forcing one to cancel the other.

Tame the “what if” spirals
Gently notice patterns in your thoughts and shift from planning for disaster all day to having a realistic safety plan and then letting yourself take small breaks from worry. If you can spiral down, you can spiral up! Let's do more of that.

Perinatal therapy is not about telling you to “just relax.”
It is about helping your mind and body feel safe enough to try resting.

You Don't Have to Do This Alone

You deserve support in this season.

If this post sounds like your inner monologue, consider:

Sharing your worries openly with your medical provider instead of downplaying them.
Naming your fears with a trusted friend, partner, or spiritual mentor who can sit with you without trying to rush you out of your feelings.
Connecting with a therapist who understands pregnancy, postpartum, and trauma, and who will not respond with “That's normal for pregnancy” when you are clearly struggling.

If you are in Virginia and would like to explore whether we might be a good fit to work together, you can schedule a free consultation .

If you are outside Virginia, I encourage you to search for a perinatal therapist or trauma-informed clinician in your area. Postpartum Support International (PSI), local directories, and referrals from your provider or community can be good starting points to find someone who understands this season.

Wherever you are, you do not have to carry constant “something-is-going-to-go-wrong” thoughts on your own. If you are worn out from monitoring every sensation, replaying appointments, or mentally preparing for disaster every day, it's time to reach out and claim your peace. Peace is possible.

5 Reasons You Deserve Perinatal Support Before a Crisis

Sat, 20 Jun 2026 01:45:24 GMT

"Perinatal support" is specialized mental health care designed to help mothers navigate the emotional and physical challenges of pregnancy and postpartum. You deserve this support long before a crisis occurs, as early intervention helps regulate your nervous system, process birth-related fears, and build a secure emotional foundation for your baby.

Is it normal to feel this way during pregnancy?

It is incredibly common to wonder if the anxiety or depression you feel is just a standard part of the “new mom package.” We are often told that pregnancy is a time of bliss, but for many, it feels like a period of high alert. You might find yourself constantly bracing for the worst-case scenario, scrolling through medical forums late at night, or feeling a strange sense of numbness when you expected to feel joy.

These feelings are more than just “hormones.” They are signals from your body that your nervous system is working overtime to keep you safe.

When we talk about whether something is “normal,” we often confuse commonality with health. While it is common to feel stressed, living in a state of constant reactivity is not something you have to settle for. Seeking Pregnancy Anxiety Therapy isn’t an admission of failure; it is a proactive step toward reclaiming your peace. You don’t have to wait until you are unable to function to decide that your quality of life matters right now .

The Myth of "Falling Apart" in Motherhood

There is a dangerous cultural narrative that suggests a woman only needs professional help if she is “falling apart.” We imagine this looks like sobbing on the bathroom floor, being unable to get out of bed, or being completely disconnected from reality. While those are certainly signs that immediate help is needed, they shouldn't be the entry point for care.

Many mothers are “high-functioning” while internally drowning.

You might be making the organic purees, keeping the house clean, and showing up for work, all while feeling like a tightly wound spring ready to snap.

This “functioning” can actually be a trauma response—a state of high arousal where you are simply surviving through performance. If you feel on edge, stuck in a loop of “what-ifs,” or physically reactive to appointments and birth talk, you deserve a space to unpack that. You don't have to wait for the collapse to give yourself permission to heal. In my experience as a former midwife and now a counselor, I’ve seen that the most profound healing often happens when we address the subtle whispers of anxiety before they become screams.

How does early perinatal support benefit your baby?

When a mother receives perinatal support early, the benefits extend directly to her child. Research in neurobiology shows that a mother’s nervous system acts as the primary regulator for her baby’s developing system. If you are constantly in a state of “fight or flight,” your baby is receiving those same physiological signals. This isn't said to spark guilt - mothers have enough of that! - but to empower you.

By learning to calm your own body and process your fears, you are literally co-regulating with your baby.

Processing your own history, especially if you have experienced previous Birth Trauma , allows you to show up more present and connected. It breaks the cycle of passing down an anxious legacy. When you feel grounded and unshaken, you create a “secure base” for your infant. This emotional safety is the greatest gift you can give, and it starts with your own wellness.

Early support gives you the tools to move from a place of bracing for the worst to a place of being fully present for the best moments.

Signs You Might Need Support (Even if You're Functioning)

Recognizing the need for help doesn't always require a catastrophic event. Most of the time, the signs are quieter and more persistent. If you resonate with these experiences, it may be time to look into Services that can help you find your footing again:

Feeling a sense of “dread” or heavy weight when thinking about upcoming medical appointments.
Experiencing intrusive thoughts about something going wrong that you can’t seem to shake.
Feeling physically “numb” or disconnected from your pregnancy or your baby.
A constant need to over-research or control every aspect of your birth plan to manage fear.
Waking up with a racing heart or feeling “wired but tired” throughout the day.

Creating a Sustainable Emotional Foundation

Motherhood unfolds over miles, not moments. If you start the race already exhausted and emotionally depleted, the journey becomes an uphill battle.

Early perinatal support is about building a sustainable foundation.

It involves looking at the whole person; mind, body, and spirit. As a counselor who values faith-honoring care, I believe that your spiritual well-being is just as vital as your mental health. Integrating your beliefs into your healing process can provide a profound sense of hope and purpose during the transition to motherhood.

We often spend months choosing the right crib, the safest car seat, and the best pediatrician. Why don’t we put the same intentionality into our emotional landscape?

Your internal world is the environment your child will grow up in. Investing in Postpartum Anxiety and Depression Therapy even before you give birth or in the early weeks afterward ensures that you have a toolkit ready when the waves of new parenthood get high.

It’s about being proactive rather than reactive.

What happens during a perinatal support session?

If the idea of therapy feels intimidating, it helps to know that perinatal support is specifically tailored to the unique needs of mothers. This isn’t just traditional “talk therapy.” It is a trauma-informed, strengths-based approach that focuses heavily on the body. We look at how anxiety is manifesting physically, perhaps as a tight chest, a clenching jaw, or a digestive system that’s not "moving" the way it should. My background as a midwife allows me to understand the clinical side of birth while holding space for the deep emotional work required.

In a session, we might work on calming the nervous system through grounding techniques, or we might use specific modalities to process a difficult past birth. The goal is to move you out of “survival mode.” We discuss the transition of identity that happens in motherhood and how to navigate the Fear of Pregnancy or Motherhood that so many women feel but are afraid to voice.

It is a collaborative process where you are the expert on your life, and I am here to help you find the way back to your grounded self.

When should you reach out for professional help?

The best time to reach out is the moment you realize that “getting through it” is taking all of your energy. You don’t have to wait until you go under. If your intuition is telling you that something feels off - if you feel like you're watching your life happen instead of really living it - that is enough. We often minimize our struggles by comparing them to others. You might think, “Well, I’m not as bad off as [insert relationship or social media post] who had [insert tragic situation].”

Your struggle is valid regardless of how it compares to anyone else's.

(BTW.... Where did you learn that it wasn't okay to ask for help?)

You deserve to feel safe in your body. You deserve to look forward to your baby’s future without the shadow of fear looming over every thought. Whether you are in Chesapeake, VA, or seeking telehealth elsewhere in Virginia, specialized support is available. Taking the first step to Contact a professional is an act of courage for both you and your child. It is the beginning of moving from “bracing” to “being.”

Summary of Why You Deserve Support Today

You do not need to be in a state of crisis or “falling apart” to be worthy of perinatal support. Early intervention is a vital tool for maternal mental health that benefits both the mother and the developing baby. By addressing anxiety, trauma, and nervous system dysregulation early, you create a healthier, more secure emotional foundation for your family. This proactive approach allows you to move from a state of survival and bracing into a place where you are present, connected, and unshaken in your motherhood journey.

Key Takeaways:

Early support prevents the escalation of anxiety or depression into a full-blown crisis.
Regulating your nervous system directly supports your baby’s emotional development.
Functioning well outwardly does not mean you aren't struggling inwardly.
Trauma-informed care helps process past birth experiences to clear the way for the future.
You are worthy of care simply because you are navigating one of life's biggest transitions.